


Warum So Tief

by pokeCookie



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/F, F/M, Fights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:33:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23044057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokeCookie/pseuds/pokeCookie
Summary: An intruder breaches the Horhaus. There's some short fights, a lot of angst, and Jester doing what she does best.
Relationships: Astrid/Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Kudos: 27





	Warum So Tief

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Warum so Tief from Lacrimosa's album Fassade.  
> Of course Tilo is a Zemnian bard and his albums are operas.

The house of the Mighty Nein, in the eternal gloom of Rosohna, was finally empty. She had been surveilling the property for the better part of what passed for morning here. She hadn't seen all of them leave, but all of the magical probes at her disposal told her the place was vacant. She double checked her wards, and the drow looking back at her in the windows reflection told her the disguise still held. She couldn't believe tracking their whereabouts had been so hard, yet security was this minimal and easy to circumvent. It was almost as if their erratic patterns of travel had nothing to do with dissuading pursuers. Nothing a dagger and some careful mage hand movements couldn't handle. If her luck held, this would be her easiest mission in the last few years. Just find the room of the target and leave the package.

She was almost disappointed, gaining entry had proved to be too easy. She expected more of them, based on the stories that circulated throughout the empire, the dynasty and the coast. 

Carefully making her way through the second floor and investigating each room led her to believe none of the rooms seemed to be the target's. So she made her way to the ground floor. There she found a door inside what looked like a sparring room. Upon entering she was welcomed by a library, and wondered _‘who puts a library next to a sparring room’_. 

She suddenly realized she wasn't alone. She was just as surprised as the redhead turning his head in her direction. Before she could even articulate any words, she recognized the mutterings and hand gestures of a spell being cast. Cursing how slow her reaction was, she attempted to counter the spell that had gone for way too long without any apparent effect. _'Tsk tsk tsk a spell that slow in battle is just asking for trouble without the proper support',_ she thought _‘He should know better, but I suppose it's been a while since he had to fight by himself’_. She saw those pale blue eyes steel themselves as they darted towards her hand, which was still holding her dagger. 

Realizing this she thought, _‘Shit! There's no way I'm going to convince him I don't want to start a fight’_. In the heat of the moment she began casting a spell of her own, but as she finished the incantation, the arcane threads she was weaving were dispelled. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a stone paw come and knock the wind out of her, holding her in place.

“You know... I wasn’t expecting the assembly to attack so soon... At least not all the way here,” he started. “I was starting to feel somewhat... Safe,” and just like that the steel was gone and a couple of blue flames were looking back at her. _‘He might just make it out of the negotiations in one piece if things go to hell as I expect them to’,_ she thought, as she dropped her disguise. 

She was not prepared for the look in his eyes, it hurt so much more than that paw made of stone holding her. She was thankful it was also keeping her upright, her knees might have given out otherwise. “Of course he would send you… That sadistic mother fucker… And you! Astrid! You could have-”, He rasped, with an edge in his voice that was breaking her heart. 

“Stop! I’m not here to kill you.”, She interrupted with ice in her tone, which had become second nature over the years.“Bren, I’m-”, was all she managed to reply. 

“-Don't!" Caleb said, "Bren died that night with my parents." 

The silence seemed to stretch forever, until 15 years of bottled up feelings burst **,** shattering the silence. “Then all that time I spent looking after you in the asylum was for nothing? I risked my life so that you wouldn't be alone, because you know what he would’ve done to us if he found out, and you’re saying it was a waste?... All that time I spent hoping you’d come back? The only reason I held out for so long was because, even though everything in my life was breaking down around me, I knew you would need me when you recovered. Then you show up to my house 5 years after you disappeared, sound of mind, and dare say to me that you were dreading that conversation? I dreaded that someone other than me found you first! You saw my house, empty in case we needed to drop everything and run! You’re saying that I should have mourned your death, move on and try to get a semblant of a life?” She was regretting the tirade, because as she went on, she could see in the set of his eyes and his stiffening posture an answer forming.

“...Ja," came the one word she was dreading. 

“I guess Bren was the lucky one," Astrid muttered as she walked to the door, her mission now moot. _‘He’s clearly hiding something,_ _but what could it be?’_

Suddenly the door burst in, splinters flying towards her. A blue demon _‘in a frilly dress?’_ , which the door did little to slow down, charged towards her holding an _‘oversized lollipop? Did he cast some sort of illusion, and THIS is what he came up with?’_ . But she could feel the pieces of door, dispelling any notion of this being an illusion. Astrid vaulted over the charging blur managing to only be grazed by the swinging _‘sharp’_ confection. She backed up into the sparring room trying to get some more distance between them. 

“The cavalry's here, Cayleb! I got your message. You know you still had like 20 words left? who doesn’t use up all of the words? Even worse you didn't even let me reply, like rude!”, Spoke the little blue tiefling in a single breath, while angling herself to charge back the way she came towards where Astrid now stood.

“Jester! Wait-”, he tried. When she Launched herself again letting out a guttural scream drowning his voice with her ferocity. 

Astrid wasn’t going to disengage in time and she was going to get crushed if she stayed there and took it. With a cooler head she could have found an alternative. But instead, she fell back on years of training. Charging her palm with crackling lightning, she sprinted to meet her head on. Their attacks met a few feet away from the wreckage where the door used to be. Both of them twisted their bodies at the last moment attempting to deliver their blow while trying to dodge the opponent's. The inertia of both their rushing bodies coupled with the axe impact and the thunderous discharge sent them flying 10 feet along the wall in opposite directions. Which was unfortunate because now Jester stood blocking her path to the door. 

Bloodied and panting, both got up. _‘She seems to favor big swings of that ridiculous axe, maybe if I angle myself right cast haste, the burst of speed will allow me to pass her’,_ it seemed like a solid plan, but as they closed the distance a two meter spectral cat paw stopped both of them in their tracks.

“ENOUGH!”, bellowed Bren from the doorway. “I will not have the both of you kill each other”, he reprimanded. 

“I thought Bren died, why would Caleb care about my well being?”, Astrid probed with feigned cold nonchalance.

“There might still be some Bren in me, Astrid…-”, while he searched for the words, he was interrupted by the little tiefling.

“This is Astrid?! THE Astrid? The one you mistook me for while we drunkenly…”, she left the sentence drop **,** choosing to convey her meaning with some eyebrow wiggling.

“The word you're looking for is dance, blueberry”, he said calmly without missing a beat. Carefully studying her reaction. Astid hoped she hadn’t given one. 

“Wow! When you described her as handsome, I thought she looked like one of the men in my smut novels. But she doesn't look anything like a man, Cayleb. You shouldn’t be saying that she looks like a man, Cayleb. Us women have our pride, even the older ones”, Jester gestured towards her, flinging the backhanded compliment as if it wasn’t one.

“Bren… Who is this… Strumpet?” Astrid asked, trying and most decidedly failing to contain her anger.

“Hi! I’m Jester” She beamed, trying to stretch around the spectral paw for a handshake. “Are you here to enact your revenge because you learned that Cayleb is secretly in love with me? Don’t hold it against him, I mean I am pretty charming, and these assets...” She gestured toward herself “not that you are without… redeeming features”.

“Jester, please stop antagonizing the empire assassin archmage.” Bren pleaded.

“And to make things more awkward she is your ex!”, Jester whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. “Uhh are you here to win him back? Wait did you say crumpets? I’d love to have some, if you had started with that maybe I wouldn’t have tried to kill you, you know!”

It had been a while since Astrid had such a hard time schooling her features. _‘Talking with her might be even more dangerous than facing her in battle’_ , she thought. Mustering what was left of her composure she began an attempt to take back the initiative. “Win him back implies he ever stopped being mine, little girl. We’ve been together for 17 years”.

“That doesn’t even count, he was unresponsive in an asylum for like ten years, then he spent like five years being a hobo”, Jester said dismissively.

“He was piecing himself back together. I’m a patient woman, one day you’ll understand, little one.”

“Cayleb, she’s being condescending to me. Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Nein! I am smart enough to not go anywhere near... this”, Caleb said gesturing towards everyone in the room.

Jester muttered under her breath but loud enough to be heard, “Wuss”. “Anyway what's your ex doing all the way here?”, she said as if Astrid wasn’t even in the room.

“Bren, I came to give you this.” She said **,** as she pulled out the package from the sack at her hip. “Our last Conversation was too short, so here. These earrings will allow us to communicate through that pesky ward that keeps blocking my attempts at communication." As she moved to deliver the package, Jester stood between them and intercepted it. 

“Earrings? he’d look awful with earrings. Me on the other hand...” Jester chimed, leaving her axe floating in the air to put them on. She hefted the axe again and arched her eyebrow daring Astrid to do anything about it. And she continued, “See the thing is... no one in the Nein trusts the assembly. And you’ll find we are extremely protective of our own, especially considering Caleb’s history with you guys. So… Here’s our non negotiable terms: Every interaction you wish to have with Caleb has to go through me.” she finished in a matter of fact tone that brokered no argument.

“So that's how it is?”, Astrid asked.

_‘That's how it is’_ , Jester answered through the earrings, testing them.

“Fine... In that case tell Bren that I love him” and she stepped closer, cupped Jesters chin and gave her a short but deep, passionate, if a bit stiff kiss on the lips. 

Delighting in the panic in her eyes, she motioned towards Jester, “Go on, aren’t you going to pass my message? Where did all that resolve go?” A sarcastic smile crept in her face against her best intentions. It felt good to give her some of her own medicine.

“I’m-I’m not-Not going to p-pass that message, I’m-not s-sure I could give such a bad kiss on purpose“, Jester stammered.

“You leaned into it. I’ll admit to some stiffness, but…”, she stopped in sudden realization. “Ohh I'm sorry! Was that perchance your first kiss?”

“Of-Of course not!, No, I've had- lots of kisses, there was that time with Fjord, and that time in the boat with Caleb, and-”

“Oh so you do know what you’re doing and have no qualms kissing Caleb? Wonderful! Then there's nothing stopping you from passing on my message, then?” She interrupted the blushing tiefling.

She was enjoying this little revenge, but then she noticed the tension between them, the hesitance, the awkwardness. It was so familiar and brought back sweet memories of how things were 17 years ago. _‘Ohh... so THAT's how it is,’_ she thought. The past ten minutes finally started to make some sort of sense.

For the first time during this whole _‘fiasco’_ she felt like she was intruding. So she put on her best imitation of an earnest smile and said through the earring _‘Please take good care of him,_ ' winked at Jester, turned around, dropped her facade and left.

  
  


Epilogue

She was the last to the table. Everyone else in the Nein had already finished or was halfway through their breakfast. She barely had slept at all, between all the excitement and the many interruptions.

Nott was the first one to address her, “Jester, you look like crap, are you okay? Is it related to yesterday? Are you going to tell us what happened to the sparring room and library?”. 

“No, it’s just that I couldn't turn off a little voice that kept me up at night”. At this, Caleb barely lifted his eyes from the book he was reading, towards Jester. Everyone else kept going through their morning routine.

When they were finally alone, Jester nervously said, “Your drunk ex kept singing something in zemnian about wars on thiefs. What is that all about?”

Caleb chuckled, “It's a song from a zemnian opera, one of my favorites. She never liked that one… I guess things change”.

“What is it about?”, she asked.

“The opera is about someone who is lonely and overwhelmed by his feelings in a society where appearances must be kept. That song in particular is about how deep fear and pain can wound us”. 

“Yeesh that’s like super depressing, why do you like something so sad?”, she whined.

“Name something more Zemnian than elevating being sad into an art form", he retorted with a wry smile.

“Hey, do you think next time we’re in Rexentrum we could go out in our fancy clothes and see an opera?” She said **,** giving him her best puppy eyes.

“Ja, I would love to show you one of the less... depressing ones”, he answered. 

“It's a date Caleb", and with that she went to her room, leaving a sputtering Caleb behind. She stopped before her door to send a message through the earring . _‘Hope you're not hungover. Wanted to say thanks. Thanks to you he is here with us.' ,_ She paused counting the words and putting her thoughts in order. _'Wasn’t all for nothing. I promise we’ll protect him’_ , she sent hoping her resolve got through.


End file.
